From as young as I can remember, I wanted to get older. I’ve always been the kind of person who has been keen to get on with life and reach the point at which I feel that everything has finally settled. I’ve come to realise that the sensation of feeling complete is probably never going to happen, because there is always something else to work towards.
I’m still at the age where being older isn’t the most frightening thing ever. I love it when I don’t have to show my ID to buy drinks even though I still look about 16. Being a commuter into London and going to work where I’m the youngest by at least a couple of years makes me feel even more adult. I’m living the life of someone who, in my head, is a few years older than I actually am.
Getting older, right now, means becoming a fully-fledged adult. One who can afford to buy a house and plan for the future, rather than one who definitely feels like they’re pretending. I spend every day on the train with people who look like they’ve got their lives together, they’ve got houses, they play golf (I’ve heard them talk about it, I’m not a weird stalker). They’re usually tapping away, working hard on their laptops (while I’m actually writing my blog. Not that I don’t love it, it’s the perfect way to spend my time if you ask me!) – they seem to be the London dream.
What these people have is something I see myself becoming one day. Getting older is being successful in all areas of my life, having something I can be truly proud of.
I know that my perceptions of age and growing old will change over time. Once I’ve gone past a certain point, I’ll probably look back on this and wonder why I ever wanted to get older in the first place. But the most important thing to me is that I don’t want to regret a thing when I’m too frail to do stuff any more. I want to complete a bucket list of adventures and life-long dreams so that I can be proud of who I am/have become. I want to say I’ve had a really good, fulfilling life.
Getting older is, in a lot of ways, synonymous with becoming wiser. The memories of parents saying that they were right because they’d experienced more, the way that our grandparents are filled with incredible stories of the past. To think that one day, I will carry that wisdom and knowledge – and share it with my own children and grandchildren, is a beautiful thought.
I don’t want to die. That’s a big part of the whole ‘getting old’ thing, but I’d rather not do it. When I do finally reach the age where it becomes a real concern for me, I’ll wonder if I did my life right and if I did everything that needed to be done. So rather than wishing my life away so quickly, I’m vowing to fill it with all of the things that I would be wishing I had done on my death bed. When the time comes, I’ll only regret not starting sooner.
Feature photo taken by Beth Roach Photography.