How do you know you’ve found the one? Is there a way to tell that you have truly found the one person that most of us have spent our lives hoping for? The love of your life?
I’ll be the first to admit that there is no way of knowing. I can’t give anybody a definitive list here, this isn’t about creating a checklist and ticking it off until you think ‘ok, it’s time’. I’m not a genius, I don’t even know about determining ‘the one’ myself so I doubt I could give some foolproof list of signs to somebody else – complete strangers especially. But I know what some of that feels like, and I know that there are times when people need reassurance, or just maybe like reading about the possibility of a great love one day.
So here are the clues that I’ve come up with, collected from my tiny amount of experience in the love department. Here are the signs that might, maybe, just possibly could mean that they’re the one for you.
- When things get rough, they stay right by your side. In long-term relationships, it’s inevitable that there will be tough times, whether that’s between you or in your own personal lives. The most important thing you can do when someone is going through a painful time is just be there. You don’t necessarily have to do anything different or special, it’s just about being a source of comfort.
- They know your food order without having to ask you. When you need the loo and the waiter is on his way – they know what to do! This is a sign that they listen to you, that they take notice and that they actually know you in some way. It’s also really handy…
- They accept when they’ve made mistakes, rather than trying to hide them. Honesty has always been the best policy. Apologising for mistakes is an awesome policy too. This is a pretty plain one – if they’re honest and humble, they’re fairly decent!
- Going out of their way to do something for you isn’t an inconvenience to them, it’s a pleasure. Acting upon the desires of others is a sign of dedication to those other people. There are instances where people do it because it’s convenient, then there are instances where people will go out of their way to do something nice for you, while expecting nothing in return. If your love does these things for you, that’s got to be something good.
- You’re both exactly the same people when you’re not around each other. It’s kind of terrifying when you see couples completely change as soon as they’re apart. I think it’s also pretty unhealthy. The One should be their true self all the time, there should be no secrets (except the good kind) and you should feel like you can be your true self too. Pretending to be something you’re not only has negative consequences.
- They don’t let you forget your worth. We all have those days when nothing goes right and you feel like curling up under a duvet and hibernating for approximately… the rest of your life. When feeling worthless, having somebody who is capable of reminding you that you are valuable is essential.
- They’re pretty much your best friend. I’ve had a lot of failed friendships in the past, as most people have. As a result, I don’t really like labelling people as my ‘best friend’. But that’s who ‘the one’ is, right? They’re the person you go to straight away when you’ve got good news, bad news… pretty much any news. The person you go to when you’re upset and you need to talk. They’re just… everything.
- You don’t feel limited or suffocated by them. In fact, they actually inspire you to become more than you are. If you stop before each decision you make and think ‘would my partner be ok with this?’ then that could be a problem. There isn’t anything wrong with considering your partner before making choices, obviously, but if you’re constantly deciding not to do things for fear of upsetting them or pushing them away, then perhaps you should start questioning why. First and foremost, you should be the best person you can for yourself. There is no guarantee that this person will be in your life forever, not even marriage determines that (though you hope it does!) – if you limit yourself according to what they want you to be, you’ll only regret that in the future. Relationships, in my opinion, shouldn’t have those feelings of resentment. This ranges from the trivial – ‘I want to go out with my friends on a Friday night’ – to the serious – ‘I want to study to become a lawyer’. Surrounding yourself with supportive people rather than destructive ones helps so much.
- They offer you advice, but don’t get mad if you don’t take it. I know how frustrating it can be when you take the time to advise someone on something they’ve asked for help with, only to see them seemingly ignore the advice you gave. It’s horrible, kind of makes you wonder why you bothered in the first place. But I’ve also been on the other side of that, where I’ve been given advice and, although it’s perfectly sound and half the time is ultimately the right decision, I haven’t followed through. It may not be intentional, oftentimes it’s related to a fear of following that perfectly sound advice. Instead of getting mad, that person will understand. So they might not be jumping up and down for joy but they won’t throw a fit, I think that’s really important. It’s basically them accepting that you are human and therefore susceptible to making mistakes or just being able to come to a decision without help sometimes. Also, their opinion on how to act isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s. Sometimes you’ve got to weigh up the right decision for yourself and someone who loves you should understand that their word isn’t gospel.
- They make you feel as if you’ve hit the jackpot – and just when you think it doesn’t get any better, they open up a whole new jackpot for you. This isn’t a constant thing, there are times where couples fight and disagree, but it’s the moments that you stop and think: ‘oh my gosh, I didn’t think I could love this person any more than I do already…but here we are.’ I think that sense of elation, the sense of achieving another level of happiness/love, that’s the most beautiful feeling in a relationship. There are no limits to your love. Over time, this becomes even more valuable. When you’re ten years down the line and they’re still doing things that make you think you’ve hit a jackpot, you’ve probably gone and hit that jackpot my friend!
I would love to hear what you guys think of this, if you disagree with any of my points or if you have any more that you’d like to add. You know what to do!